My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i think i just lost a toe
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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