1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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