New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
