So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
