Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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