He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
