We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
