Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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