Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
