How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
