I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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