Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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