google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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