Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
