It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
