She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
