atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
