i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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