It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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