The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
