Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
