I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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