My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
