I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
