I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
