I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
