Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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