checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
