I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
