I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
