He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i would punch a child for taco bell
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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