He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
