Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
