Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
