If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
