I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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