is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
