Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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