We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
