Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
