Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
