He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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