She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
