I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
