I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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