I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
