Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
