Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish there were birth control emojis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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