I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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