broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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