Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
