So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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