Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
