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life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
